This should have been an Omen to run …….. The day of the closing on this house I didn’t want, I found out the night before my mother passed away. Weepy eyed, but stoic we sat in the attorney’s office signing the papers for the closing, not telling anyone what had just happened. Done deal. Did I feel happy? It was a double NO.
I have no regrets of not communicating with my mother prior to her death. She created nothing, but grief and drama in our family. I found solace in way she chose to leave the world in the way she wanted , dramatic, and the way her idol, Elvis, did. She did not want to grow old, look old or act her age. She passed away, from many years of abuse on her body by popping too many pills. The person she lived with at the time found her dead in the shower, she had passed away sometime during the night. My mother was the reason I packed everything in my car as a young girl, left Pennsylvania and moved to Florida to start a new life. The physical and mental abuse I lived through as a child would not be believable if I wrote my childhood story. Many of my memories have been regressed, and I try to remember only the few good times. I have no regrets looking in the rear view mirror as I was leaving.
Why did I not want to move to this beautiful home that I have lived in for the past twenty-six years? My first house was paid off at the age of thirty-three. In order to save money for a down payment on my first home I lived in a travel trailer for several years. I clipped coupons and then turned to sweepstakes to make additional money once I moved into my first real house. I did all this in additional to working full-time and soon raising a new baby. My hobbies that saved us money, allowed me to be home in the evenings after work to be with my son. My plans once my first home was paid off was to be able to travel more, my dreams were shattered with the new mortgage payment.
Somehow I bought into the idea we needed a bigger house by my grandparents and husband. Ironically, the only difference in the house I am in now is an extra bedroom, pool and a new mortgage. Soon depression kicked in and I didn’t really care anymore; feeling like I would never get ahead. Our cars conked and needed to be replaced, we had a mortgage so why not re-finance the house with our car payments. That small mortgage took years to pay off and I only succeeded when I realized I could do better on my own. Divorce soon followed. Life did not go as planned.
Now why do I feel like I will never get out of this house? It’s possessed, since I put it up for sale the ice maker broke, garage door spring, faucet exploded, not to mention a few other things that have gone wrong.
I feel confident things will all work out in the end. Cause like the Hank Williams song says “But – we‘re still a-livin’ – so everything’s Okay” Soon I will move on to a new chapter in my life, so watch my progress.